Why Do I Feel Numb or Disconnected When I Talk About the Past?
Sometimes a client begins telling me about a painful experience and then pauses. “I know this was a big deal,” they’ll say, “but I don’t feel anything right now.” Others describe feeling floaty, far away, or as though they’re watching themselves tell the story.
That can be confusing when you expected tears or a strong emotional reaction. You may know an experience affected you while feeling strangely removed from it in the moment.
When this happens in therapy, I get curious about it with you. That sense of distance can tell us something about how your mind and body are responding as we approach the past.
Understanding your window of tolerance
One way I help clients make sense of this is through the window of tolerance. This describes the range in which you can experience emotion while staying aware of yourself and your surroundings. You might feel sad, angry, or anxious and still be able to notice what you feel, talk about it, and remember that you’re here in the present.
When an experience becomes overwhelming, you may move above that range and feel panicky or intensely activated. You may also move below it into hypoarousal, which can feel like numbness, heaviness, fogginess, or disconnection. Your window can shift depending on what else is happening in your life, including stress, sleep, and the support available to you.
I use this framework to help us notice your capacity in the moment. It helps guide decisions about how much trauma work we do during a session and when we need to change course.
What happens when you start to feel “floaty”?
If you begin to feel distant while talking about the past, we slow down and notice what is happening. I might ask whether the room feels far away, whether it has become harder to find your words, or whether you can feel your feet on the floor.
Then we try something that helps you reconnect with the present. We might look around the room and name a few things you can see, feel the chair supporting you, press your feet gently into the floor, or stand and move for a moment. Different approaches work for different people, so we pay attention to what helps you feel more present. Grounding techniques use awareness of your body and surroundings to help you orient to the here and now.
Sometimes we also use containment. This might involve imagining a place to hold a difficult memory or thought until you have the time and support to return to it. It gives you a way to step back from material that has taken up too much space in the moment.
Once you feel more connected, we can decide together what comes next. We might return to the conversation, work with a smaller part of the memory, or focus on helping you leave the session feeling grounded.
Practicing these skills between sessions
Trauma reminders can arise in ordinary moments: in the car, during a conversation, or while you’re trying to get through your workday. That’s why I help clients learn their own early signs of disconnection and practice grounding and containment outside the therapy room.
For you, an early sign might be staring into space, losing track of what someone said, feeling foggy, or moving through the day on autopilot. As you become more familiar with these signs, you can try the strategies we’ve practiced together and notice which ones help you reconnect.
This preparation matters in trauma therapy and EMDR. Understanding how you respond to difficult material helps us pace the work and build support around it.
If you notice yourself feeling numb or far away while talking about the past, you can say exactly that in session: “I’m starting to feel floaty.” It gives us useful information and a chance to respond together.
Read next week’s blog: Why Pacing Matters in Trauma Therapy.
