How to Stop Overthinking: 5 Tools That Actually Work
You replay the conversation.
Then replay it again… but this time with better comebacks.
You analyze the email you sent.
Then debate whether to send a follow-up.
Then analyze the follow-up.
You are responsible. Capable. Smart.
And somehow your brain is still hosting a 24/7 strategy meeting that nobody asked for.
If you are a high-achieving woman, whether you are a mom juggling a million tabs or a student trying to keep it all together, overthinking can feel like your secret superpower.
Until it becomes your secret exhaustion.
So let’s talk about how to actually calm it down. Not with “just relax,” but with tools that work in real life.
First, Why You Overthink (And Why It Feels So Hard to Stop)
Overthinking is often anxiety wearing a productivity costume.
Your brain believes that if it just thinks hard enough, plans enough, prepares enough, it can prevent discomfort. Things like rejection, conflict, embarrassment, failure, or letting someone down.
And if you are a high performer, this makes perfect sense. You are probably used to:
solving problems quickly
being dependable
anticipating needs
staying on top of everything
So your brain stays on even when you are technically safe.
It is not a character flaw. It is a nervous system pattern. And patterns can change.
5 Therapy-Backed Tools to Stop Overthinking
No fluff. No toxic positivity. Just practical tools you can actually use this week.
1) “Name It to Tame It” (Dr. Dan Siegel)
This phrase is commonly credited to Dr. Dan Siegel, and it is simple but powerful.
When you notice the spiral starting, pause and label it.
Instead of:
“I cannot stop thinking about that meeting.”
Try:
“I am having an anxiety spiral.”
or
“My brain is in worst-case-scenario mode.”
Labeling what is happening helps your brain shift from reacting to observing. That small bit of space can lower the intensity of the spiral.
2) Set a Worry Window
Overthinking hates boundaries.
So we are going to give it one.
Pick a 10 to 15 minute window each day where you are allowed to fully worry. Write it out. Think it through. Make your list.
When worries pop up outside that window, gently tell yourself:
“We will think about this later.”
This teaches your brain that not every thought needs immediate attention.
3) Ask: Is This a Problem or a Possibility?
Overthinking treats possibilities like urgent problems.
Problem: “I missed a deadline.”
Possibility: “What if they think I am incompetent and I get fired and everything falls apart?”
When you separate facts from imagined outcomes, your body starts to calm down too.
A lot of spirals lose their power when we realize we are reacting to a story, not a current crisis.
4) Move Your Body Before You Try to Solve It
Overthinking lives in the mind, but it is fueled by the body.
If your nervous system is activated, logic will not land.
Before analyzing the situation, try:
a 5 minute walk
shaking out your arms and legs
stretching your shoulders and jaw
10 slow breaths with a longer exhale
Regulate first. Reflect second.
You think more clearly when your body feels steadier.
5) Pause the Reassurance Loop
This one is subtle but powerful.
Overthinking often leads to:
re-reading texts
checking tone over and over
asking someone, “Do you think they are mad at me?”
googling symptoms
replaying a conversation until you feel certain
Reassurance feels relieving in the moment, but it quietly strengthens anxiety long-term.
Try waiting five minutes before seeking reassurance.
Just five.
That small pause builds tolerance for uncertainty, which is one of the biggest keys to reducing anxiety over time.
A Gentle Reality Check
If you are overthinking constantly, it does not mean you are doing something wrong.
It usually means you are carrying a lot. And your brain has gotten really good at trying to stay ahead of everything.
But you deserve moments where your mind feels calmer, even if life is still busy.
Therapy can help you:
understand your specific anxiety pattern
build nervous system regulation skills
reduce mental spirals at the root
feel more confident in your decisions
Imagine sending the email and moving on.
Imagine having a hard conversation and not replaying it for three days.
Imagine feeling steady, even when life is full and demanding.
That is possible. And you do not have to figure it out alone.
